⭐MAXWELLNESS® POWER tOOLS

Created in conjunction with Gayla Maxwell's Permission to Dance with Your Shadow.

MaxWellness® is a practice of reclaiming your personal power — not just in the way you communicate with others, but in the way you communicate with yourself.

Every thought, reaction, story, and interpretation is a form of communication. When that inner dialogue is unconscious, it limits you. When it becomes conscious, it empowers you. MaxWellness® practices help individuals, couples, families, and leaders move out of comparison, perfectionism, blame, guilt, and shame — and into 100% Self Response-ABILITY: the ability to respond rather than react.

Instead of trying to control, appease, withdraw, or win, you learn to return to your True Self — the part of you capable of honesty, clarity, compassion, and choice. Every relationship, including the one you have with yourself, is an opportunity to grow your awareness of how you create your life through Love (Power) or Fear (Pain).

We are always creating. What we create depends on our level of consciousness.

MaxWellness® practices shift people from reactive, fear-driven patterns into grounded, emotionally-safe, and deeply truthful connection. Rather than analysing or fixing each other, we simply notice:

Am I in Fear (Force/Pain) or Love (Power/Pleasure)?

As awareness grows, acceptance softens the moment, and conscious choice replaces old habit.
Communication stops being a battle and becomes a pathway back to who you want to be.

MaxWellness Processing Styles™

⭐ MaxWellness Guiding Notes

1. Your processing style is not who you are — it’s just how your Inner Child learned to cope.

And your True Self can now lead with compassion and choice.

2. You can move between styles.

Processing changes with emotion, safety, and the person you’re speaking to.

3. No style is better or worse — only misunderstood.

When couples understand each other’s styles, conflict softens immediately.

4. The goal is not to correct the style — only to stay conscious within it.

Awareness allows Love to lead instead of fear.

SHADOW PROCESSING STYLES BELOW:

WHAT ARE SHADOW PROCESSING STYLES

Shadow Processing Styles describe how your Inner Child (Unhealed Ego, Shadow), Protective Adult, and True Self experience emotion and truth at any given time.
They are not labels, not limitations, and not flaws — they are simply the ways you’ve learned to move through moments of Fear or Love.

When you understand your style (and your partner’s), communication becomes softer, clearer, and far more compassionate.

Rapid Fire

Internal Recycler

Rapid Fire

Needs: immediate clarity, speaks to relieve tension. They talk to relieve internal pressure, needing clarity or resolution now so their nervous system can settle.
This speed can feel overwhelming to others, but it’s rooted in a deep fear that unresolved tension means emotional disconnection.

This communication is an attempt to settle the rising Fear and return to Power.

Their practice:
Slowing the pace so their True Self can lead instead of letting the Child lead the way.

Deep Diver

Internal Recycler

Rapid Fire

Needs: space before they can access their truth. The Deep Diver wants to be certain to access deep emotional clarity before responding.. Their emotional clarity arrives slowly and internally.
When given time, they communicate with remarkable depth, precision, and authenticity, but pressure shuts them down.

Their Inner Child freezes under pressure but opens in stillness.

They don’t avoid — they unfold.

Their practice:
Letting others know, “I will come back to this,” so absence isn’t mistaken for disconnection.

Internal Recycler

The Internal Recycler retreats inward and revisits conversations as a way to protect themselves from feeling unprepared or misunderstood. Their growth lies in being able to recognise the shift from insight to rumination.

The Internal Recycler turns inward.
They replay the moment privately until meaning forms.
Their Inner Child seeks safety in thinking before speaking.

Reflection is their strength — but looping is their shadow.

Their practice:
Noticing when reflection becomes rumination and giving themselves Permission to let it go.

Somatic Processor

The Somatic Processor reacts through the body as a first response, tightness, heat, withdrawal, pacing, panic, being lost for words and overwhelm.

Their Inner Child speaks through sensations long before words arrive. The physical sensation is communication but often difficult to explain to others.

Their practice:
Giving themselves complete Permission to let the body express, observe it without judgment, settle, and soften before trying to explain anything.

Delayed Processor

Somatic Processor

The Delayed Processor doesn’t feel the full emotional impact of an experience until later, often after their system has had time to settle.

Their growth comes from trusting this slower reveal and learning how to bring forward what arises later without shame, self-blame, or fear of being “too late.”

Their practice:
Honouring their natural timing and sharing insights when the True Self arrives.

⭐ How to Communicate With Each Processing Style

A Few Tips

Every style needs something slightly different in order to stay in Love (Power/Pleasure) instead of dropping into Fear (Force/Pain).

These are not “rules” — they’re invitations that help both Inner Children feel safer and both True Selves stay present.

Processing styles don’t cause conflict — misinterpreting each other’s styles does.

When you communicate in a way that supports the style your partner naturally uses, both Inner Children soften… and both True Selves come forward.

1. Communicating With a Rapid Processor

Rapid Processors move quickly because their Inner Child feels safer when everything is out in the open immediately.

How to support them:

Allow them to speak in real time without rushing them to “make sense” instantly.
Gently say, “I’m here. Slow down — I’m listening.”
Offer pauses for breath so their True Self has space to return.
Don’t mistake speed for anger; it’s usually anxiety trying to become understanding.

What they need most:
Reassurance you’re not leaving, shutting down, or pulling away.

2. Communicating With a Deep Diver

Deep Divers don’t know the truth until they’ve had quiet space to feel it. Pressure shuts them down.

How to support them:

Give them time without interpreting it as avoidance.
Say, “I honour your pace. Let’s come back to this when you’re ready.”
Let them leave the moment to find clarity — but agree on a return time.
Avoid rapid-fire questions or emotional intensity.

What they need most:
Spaciousness without punishment.

3. Communicating With an Internal Recycler

Internal Recyclers process deeply inside. They replay moments to understand themselves and the truth.

How to support them:

Don’t force them to “talk now” — it makes the Inner Child panic.
Ask, “Would you like time to think and then share with me later?”
When they return with clarity, honour it — it took courage to bring it forward.
If they’re looping, gently ground them with, “Come back to this moment with me.”

What they need most:
Patience and gentle grounding.

4. Communicating With a Somatic Processor

Their body reacts before their words do. Sensations are their language until they settle.

How to support them:

Notice physical cues (breath holding, tears, stillness).
Say, “Take your time — let your body move through this. I’m here.”
Encourage grounding: hands on heart, slower breathing, unclenched posture.
Don’t ask for explanations while they’re overwhelmed.

What they need most:
Permission to feel before they explain.

5. Communicating With a Delayed Processor

They understand the moment after it happens. Their clarity comes later, when their Inner Child feels safe again.

How to support them:

Don’t punish delayed truth; honour it.
Say, “Tell me when your clarity comes — I want to hear it.”
Make space for follow-up conversations.
Avoid assuming silence means “no feeling.”

What they need most:
Validation that their timing is allowed.

Understanding Your Shadow

It's Only Trying to Protect

Shadow Positions are the protective roles we step into when we drop into Fear (Force/Pain).
They are not flaws or failures — they are simply the Inner Child trying to protect old hurt with the tools it learned long ago.

The Shadow appears when:

We feel unseen
We feel misunderstood
We feel unsafe
We feel blamed
We feel triggered in ways we can’t name yet

Your Shadow is not the truth of who you are. It is the younger part of you calling for Love and safety.

Understanding your Shadow Positions helps you recognise when Fear is speaking — so your True Self can return.

⭐ 1. The Silent Shield

Withdraws, goes quiet, or goes emotionally numb.
This Shadow protects by disappearing, reducing emotional exposure when conflict feels unsafe.
The work: learning to recognise early retreat, regulate the shutdown, and return with presence rather than self-abandonment.

⭐ 2. The Volcano

⭐ 1. The Silent Shield

Overwhelms with intensity, volume, or emotional force.
This Shadow believes power equals safety, using heat to mask hurt.
The work: recognising the rising surge sooner and honouring the pain beneath the explosion.

⭐ 3. The Courtroom

⭐ 1. The Silent Shield

⭐ 4. The Shadow Joker

Argues facts, timelines, and “right vs wrong.”
This Shadow uses logic to outrun vulnerability and maintain control.
The work: shifting from winning the narrative to owning the internal experience.

⭐ 4. The Shadow Joker

Uses humour, sarcasm, or deflection to avoid discomfort.
This Shadow hides truth behind wit, staying safe by not taking anything seriously.
The work: naming the fear behind the humour and staying emotionally present.

⭐ 5. The Minimiser

⭐ 4. The Shadow Joker

⭐ 6. The Guilt Bearer

Downplays feelings — both their own and others’.
This Shadow learned early that emotions were “too much,” so it shrinks them for safety.
The work: allowing emotional truth to have its full size without fear of overwhelm.

⭐ 6. The Guilt Bearer

⭐ 4. The Shadow Joker

⭐ 6. The Guilt Bearer

Collapses into “It’s all my fault” as a way to stop conflict.
This Shadow avoids tension by taking on blame that isn’t theirs.
The work: standing in truth rather than using guilt as a peacekeeping strategy.

⭐ 7. The Driver

⭐ 8. The Watchtower

Pushes, fixes, and forces resolution before anyone is ready.
This Shadow confuses urgency with responsibility and pressure with progress.
The work: slowing down, tolerating uncertainty, and letting connection lead instead of control.

⭐ 8. The Watchtower

Observes from a detached, analytical distance.
This Shadow protects by staying in the mind, not the body, maintaining safety through neutrality.
The work: coming down from the tower and engaging from embodied presence.

⭐ 9. The Houdini

⭐ 8. The Watchtower

⭐ 10. The Historian

Escapes — through distraction, avoidance, or physical withdrawal.
This Shadow hides you before things can hurt, convinced you are safer to disappear than to stay.
The work: recognising the impulse to escape and opening to regulated, small moments of contact.

⭐ 10. The Historian

⭐ 12. The Ice Queen / Ice King

⭐ 10. The Historian

Brings up past hurts, patterns, and evidence.
This Shadow tries to gain safety by proving a narrative instead of addressing the present moment.
The work: returning to the now and healing the story beneath the cataloguing.

⭐ 11. The Pleaser

⭐ 12. The Ice Queen / Ice King

Self-abandons to keep harmony.
This Shadow over-gives, over-agrees, or over-softens to earn connection or avoid conflict.
The work: holding boundaries, naming preferences, and allowing truth to exist even when it's uncomfortable.

⭐ 12. The Ice Queen / Ice King

Goes emotionally cold — distant, dismissive, untouchable.
This Shadow protects the heart by freezing it, believing warmth makes them vulnerable.
The work: thawing slowly, gently, and choosing conscious connection instead of emotional exile.

⭐ FAQ — SHADOW FIRST AID™

1. “How do we know when a Shadow is active?”

You’ll feel it before you think it — the shift into defensiveness, withdrawal, urgency, shutdown, blaming, or over-explaining.

A Shadow simply means:
“Something old got triggered.”

It’s not a failure. It’s not a flaw. It’s a cue for gentleness.

2. “What should we do the moment a Shadow appears?”

Pause the moment — not the relationship.

Possible script:
“Let’s pause. I think a Shadow came up for me.”

This prevents sliding further down the Ladder.

3. “Do we need to identify which Shadow it is?”

No. You never diagnose your partner — and you don’t need to diagnose yourself either.

Simply naming that a Shadow is present is enough to shift out of reactivity. You can note and process later unless it feels mutually beneficial and enjoyable to connect on the topic in that interaction. But it's not necessary.

4. “What if one person is in a Shadow and the other isn’t?”

The one who is not activated becomes the safe anchor.

They can gently say:
“I’m here. Take your time. We can slow down.”

Stability lets the other climb back up the Ladder.

5. “What if we’re BOTH in Shadow?”

HANG ONTO YOUR HATS!

Actually this is quite common but you need to immediately pause, take a breath, (maybe several), and physically reset.

Both partners do two things:

soften the body (drop shoulders, unclench jaw, breathe)
name the truth:
“We’re both in Fear/Force/Shadow/Unhealed Inner Child/ Frightened Ego (Use whatever term works best for you). Let’s reset and come back.”

This stops escalation immediately.

6. “What should we say when we realise our Shadow is running the moment?”

Just one honest sentence:

“Something old got triggered — I’m noticing it.”

This brings the True Self back online.

7. “How do we reconnect after a Shadow moment?”

When you feel yourself rising higher on the Ladder, simply say:

“Okay, I’m back. Let’s continue from Love, not Fear.”

No post-mortem required.

8. “Should we apologise for Shadows?”

Only if harm was done — not for having a Shadow.

You don’t apologise for being human.
You apologise only for behaviour that crossed into disconnection.

9. “What do Shadows actually need from us?”

Three things:

Softness
Space to settle
Reassurance that the relationship is safe even when it’s messy

This is how old patterns heal.

10. “What’s the fastest way to shift out of a Shadow?”

Use the MaxWellness Climb:

Awareness — “I’m in Fear.” or "My Inner Child needs attention"
Acceptance — “Of course I reacted — this feels familiar.”
Challenge — “Is this taking me closer to or further away from who I want to be?”
Change — soften, slow down, breathe, reconnect.

Even one step up the Ladder changes everything.

11. “What should we avoid doing during a Shadow moment?”

Avoid:

calling out your partner’s Shadow
analysing or diagnosing the moment
demanding explanation
pushing for resolution
raising intensity
rushing the conversation
keeping score (past or present)

These push you deeper into Fear instead of back into Love.

12. “So what’s our job when Shadows show up?”

To remember this sentence:

“When a Shadow rises, we pause, take a breather and CHOOSE to return to your true Power - which is compassion, non-judgment, curiosity, and acceptance of self and your communication partner.”

That’s it.

⭐ THE MAXWELLNESS UMBRELLA™

The shared agreements that make conscious communication possible.

Before any conversation begins, both people step under the same Umbrella — a set of gentle commitments that create emotional safety, clarity, and connection.

The Umbrella is the energetic container that keeps the Inner Child calm, the Protective Adult soft, and the True Self present.

Here are the MaxWellness Umbrella Principles:

⭐ 1. 100% Self-Response-ABILITY

I am responsible for my tone, timing, intention, and presence.
You don’t cause my reactions — my unhealed parts do.
I own my part so I can change my part. .

⭐ 2. Respect as the Baseline (Non-Negotiable)

We do not raise intensity while we are in Fear.
If safety drops, the conversation pauses — not the relationship.
We protect connection, even in conflict.

⭐ 3. Intention Before Interaction

Before we speak, we ask:
“Why am I entering this conversation?”

Is my intention to:

share?
understand?
collaborate?
repair?
or am I here to vent, punish, or win?

The intention guides the outcome.

⭐ 4. Curiosity Over Certainty

Instead of assuming, we ask.
Instead of concluding, we wonder.
Curiosity softens the Protective Adult and invites the True Self to lead.

Simple couple scripts:

“Help me understand your experience.”
“Is there something I’m not seeing?”
“What part of you is speaking right now?”

⭐ 5. Regulation First

We don’t speak from the bottom of the Ladder.
If we’re in Fear (Force/Pain), we pause until we can return to Power (Love/Pleasure).

This is how we prevent harm.

⭐ 6. Willingness to Be Wrong, Soft, or Surprised

We release the armour.
We follow truth, not the story we arrived with.
Softness is not weakness — it is emotional maturity.

⭐ 7. Contribution Over Correction

We ask:
“How can I contribute to connection right now?”
Rather than:
“What are they getting wrong?”

This keeps both people aligned with Love, not Fear.

⭐ Umbrella Summary

When we stand under the same Umbrella, we agree to:

stay conscious
stay compassionate
stay connected
and stay responsible for the energy we bring

Everything beneath the Umbrella becomes safer, softer, and more truthful.

“Your power is not in control, it’s in consciousness.”

⭐MAXWELLNESS® POWER tOOLS

⭐ THE LADDER OF CONSCIOUS COMMUNICATION

MaxWellness Processing Styles™

⭐ MaxWellness Guiding Notes

1. Your processing style is not who you are — it’s just how your Inner Child learned to cope.

2. You can move between styles.

3. No style is better or worse — only misunderstood.

4. The goal is not to correct the style — only to stay conscious within it.

WHAT ARE SHADOW PROCESSING STYLES

Rapid Fire

Internal Recycler

Rapid Fire

Deep Diver

Internal Recycler

Rapid Fire

Internal Recycler

Internal Recycler

Internal Recycler

Somatic Processor

Somatic Processor

Somatic Processor

Delayed Processor

Somatic Processor

Somatic Processor

⭐ How to Communicate With Each Processing Style

A Few Tips

1. Communicating With a Rapid Processor

2. Communicating With a Deep Diver

3. Communicating With an Internal Recycler

4. Communicating With a Somatic Processor

5. Communicating With a Delayed Processor

Understanding Your Shadow

It's Only Trying to Protect

⭐ 1. The Silent Shield

⭐ 1. The Silent Shield

⭐ 1. The Silent Shield

⭐ 2. The Volcano

⭐ 1. The Silent Shield

⭐ 1. The Silent Shield

⭐ 3. The Courtroom

⭐ 1. The Silent Shield

⭐ 4. The Shadow Joker

⭐ 4. The Shadow Joker

⭐ 4. The Shadow Joker

⭐ 4. The Shadow Joker

⭐ 5. The Minimiser

⭐ 4. The Shadow Joker

⭐ 6. The Guilt Bearer

⭐ 6. The Guilt Bearer

⭐ 4. The Shadow Joker

⭐ 6. The Guilt Bearer

⭐ 7. The Driver

⭐ 8. The Watchtower

⭐ 8. The Watchtower

⭐ 8. The Watchtower

⭐ 8. The Watchtower

⭐ 8. The Watchtower

⭐ 9. The Houdini

⭐ 8. The Watchtower

⭐ 10. The Historian

⭐ 10. The Historian

⭐ 12. The Ice Queen / Ice King

⭐ 10. The Historian

⭐ 11. The Pleaser

⭐ 12. The Ice Queen / Ice King

⭐ 12. The Ice Queen / Ice King

⭐ 12. The Ice Queen / Ice King

⭐ 12. The Ice Queen / Ice King

⭐ 12. The Ice Queen / Ice King

⭐ FAQ — SHADOW FIRST AID™

⭐ THE MAXWELLNESS UMBRELLA™

⭐ 1. 100% Self-Response-ABILITY

⭐ 2. Respect as the Baseline (Non-Negotiable)

⭐ 3. Intention Before Interaction

⭐ 4. Curiosity Over Certainty

⭐ 5. Regulation First

⭐ 6. Willingness to Be Wrong, Soft, or Surprised

⭐ 7. Contribution Over Correction

⭐ Umbrella Summary